


swear you'll see me again

by yongz



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Serial Killers, Alternate Universe - Zombie Apocalypse, Angst, Apocalypse, Blood, Blood and Gore, Dubious Morality, Established Relationship, Government Experimentation, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Minor Character Death, Minor Violence, Nightmares, Non-Linear Narrative, Science Experiments, Zombie Apocalypse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-23
Updated: 2020-08-23
Packaged: 2021-03-07 02:53:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,327
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26069773
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yongz/pseuds/yongz
Summary: Jaemin thinks the cities look beautiful still, even with the buildings half crumbled and the scent of rotting flesh everywhere. It permeates the walls of every room and seeps into one's clothes. At this point, everyone smells half-dead more than alive. Maybe they are; after all they're just living on the last remaining scraps of humanity. A few more months and there'll only be half of them, if they're that lucky.The rumble of a slowing truck catches his attention. The exhaust sputters, before it rolls to a stop. Dust puffs as the driver lowers the window."Where you headed?" she asks.He shrugs. "Nowhere in particular," he says smiling, teeth as blinding as the sun.
Relationships: Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Na Jaemin, Lee Jeno/Mark Lee
Comments: 7
Kudos: 19
Collections: nahyuck fic fest!





	swear you'll see me again

**Author's Note:**

> written for: #0047: nahyuck as characters with questionable morals in the apocalypse, willing to do anything to survive
> 
> prompter i am so sure this is like NOT what you meant but you said "questionable morals" and "apocalypse" but i absolutely Ran with it... you said go crazy... and i did ghsdkjlck i really hope you enjoy <3 i had a lot of fun with it

_One chance is all we have now_

_So I better make it count_

_Climatic ending, come see_

_the final act, I'm shaken to my knees_

_Yet crying and lonely._

When Jaemin was sixteen, he had his last real birthday party.

"Happy birthday Jaemin," his mom had said while placing down a perfectly iced cake down in front of him. Donghyuck was beside him, with a small envelope in his hand (not that Jaemin knew at the time). Plane tickets to Universal. Jaemin had always wanted to go. As the camera shutter went off, Donghyuck had pressed a quick kiss to his cheek. Jaemin was too shocked to react at the time, but later he would tell him he felt the same.

That night, they would lay on the roof of Jaemin's house, belly's full with cake and pizza, and Donghyuck would present him with the tickets. Jaemin would cry like the sap he was. They kissed, and while neither of them said it both of them knew the words the other meant.

Jaemin wishes he still had the photo his parents took. He left it behind in the rush to leave, to escape the onslaught. Back then, they didn't know the storm ahead of them, but that's okay. Because for that moment, they had each other.

<>

Jaemin thinks the cities look beautiful still, even with the buildings half crumbled and the scent of rotting flesh everywhere. It permeates the walls of every room and seeps into one's clothes. At this point, everyone smells half-dead more than alive. Maybe they are; after all they're just living on the last remaining scraps of humanity. A few more months and there'll only be half of them, if they're that lucky.

The rumble of a slowing truck catches his attention. The exhaust sputters, before it rolls to a stop. Dust puffs as the driver lowers the window.

"Where you headed?" she asks.

He shrugs. "Nowhere in particular," he says smiling, teeth as blinding as the sun.

<>

At seventeen Jaemin killed his first. It was an accident. The gun went off, and bam. Blood and fragments of his skull were splattered across Jaemin and the empty store shelves. Donghyuck had heard and came running, gun ready.

Donghyuck was the one who steadied Jaemin's shaking hands, and helped wipe the tears and blood off his face. Donghyuck was the one who cleaned up his mess and told him everything was gonna be fine. Donghyuck was his rock then, and Jaemin became his. They steady each other.

As Donghyuck pressed his face to Jaemin's, Jaemin thought he couldn't be gladder it was Donghyuck he was with, at the end of all things.

<>

The roads are empty now, littered with shells of cars and trucks. Jaemin can still remember what the world used to be like. He supposes there's a bright side to all this. No traffic.

"Light traffic today," he jokes. It falls flat. The woman doesn't crack a smile.

"There's never any traffic anymore," she says.

He doesn't try again.

<>

July of his last year, they went up the hill and set off fireworks. It was a hot summer night and the air seemed to stick to his skin. Donghyuck wore these boy shorts and an impressive set of eye makeup. Jaemin had told him he looked beautiful, and in return Donghyuck told him he looked okay.

"You would look nicer if you took off these," Donghyuck had whispered in his ear. He tugged at Jaemin's shirt. Jaemin shivered, but not from any cold.

The fireworks lit up, and any reply Jaemin would've had was lost to the sound of explosions.

<>

"Who were they?" she asks.  
"Hm?" Jaemin says, caught off guard.

"Whoever you're thinking about," she says.

"A friend," Jaemin says easily. No need for her to know anything more.

"Where are they now?"

Jaemin hesitates before shaking his head. "I don't know," he lies. The woman sighs.  
"Me too," she murmurs, a sad sort of recognition in her voice.

<>

By his second it turned into a fixation. Blood was beautiful to Jaemin. It flowed through all of them, connected them all. There was nothing more fascinating than watching a cut on skin bubble up and overflow with the red liquid. Sometimes Jaemin likes to imagine that if he cuts deep enough maybe he'll get to watch it turn from blue to red.

The only time Donghyuck looked more beautiful was when he was covered in blood. The scent of copper is exhilarating. A drug, and addiction, maybe both. Something about the way it shone on his skin, the way it clung to his clothes and drenched his hair. Nothing was ever as gorgeous.

To Jaemin it was an art, and Donghyuck had perfected it.

<>

"We're here," she says. "Make yourself comfortable."

"Thanks," Jaemin says, and places his backpack on the living room couch. The house is well fortified against the reanimated, but not against other humans. A failure of foresight on their part.

He peeks out the window. Not long now.

<>

At some point, two became four, which became five. Jaemin doesn't remember exactly how he met all of them. They were all just lost children, running from lives they had to leave behind. They made a great team; all of them strong as individuals and smart in working together. They easily swept any other group that came up against them. Supplies were easy to get for them. Nothing was a challenge.

Those were easier times.

<>

The woman didn't have much supplies. They'll have to go hunting again soon, but for now her house will do.

"Hey she had tortilla chips!" Donghyuck yells from the kitchen. He pops out soon, bag in hand.

"No snacking," Jaemin scowls.

Donghyuck rolls his eyes. "We'll have to go out soon again anyways." He steps out of the kitchen, blood squelching beneath his boots. "Don't be such a grump."

"You have blood on your face," Jaemin says instead.

"So do you," Donghyuck says. He drops the empty bag onto the floor and steps over the woman. "You look hot," he whispers.

Jaemin almost laughs. "There's a dead body in the room," he says, as if they haven't done worse before.

"So?" Donghyuck arches an eyebrow. "Her bedroom is clean."

<>

They, like all other groups, had their falling out. Especially in a world where your survival sometimes means the death of others, you can't always get along well with people. Jaemin vividly remembers one argument.

"They're people! Just like us," Jisung had said.

Renjun snorted. "Never bothered you before."

"Jisung's right," Chenle had said. "We can't do this forever, or else we'll be the last people on Earth."

Donghyuck remained silent, but Jaemin could tell what he was thinking. "One last one," Jaemin had said. "We need more supplies anyways. And then we'll go clean." Whatever that meant. At the time, Jaemin had intended to fulfill his promise, but had no idea how to go about doing so. They'd been raiding other group's supplies for so long Jaemin doesn't even remember where people would get their supplies from originally.

"One more," Jisung had agreed.

<>

"I think I love you," Jaemin whispers that night

Donghyuck laughs, soft but always real. "Really?" he rolls over to face Jaemin. "I think I love you too."

"That's good," Jaemin mumbles, and closes his eyes. "Promise you'll be here in the morning?"

"Why wouldn't I?"

Jaemin smiles. "I..." he sighs. "Just want to be sure I'll see you again."

He can hear the faint murmurings of Donghyuck calling him a sap before he drifts off.

<>

Jaemin planned to make this hit a big one. They needed major supplies, enough to last them a long time while they figured out how to not acquire them over people's dead bodies. This time, they were targeting a rival group of teens like them, running in about a city over.

Donghyuck was bait. Jaemin was backup, and everyone else was the attack squad.

<>

The government's too focused on bigger things to truly regulate laws for ordinary folk like them. Petty thievery and robbery soon devolved into all out wars between neighborhoods as production slowed to a halt and there were no longer enough supplies for everybody. The only thing that would get the government's attention is attacking one of their laboratories. Murder, rapists, and serial killers all fly under the radar now.

It's a dog eat dog world, where anything flies as long as you're not interfering with whatever underground projects the government's working on right now.

<>

One of the teens picked up Donghyuck. Everything was going as planned. Donghyuck was a great actor and basically had them hook line and sinker. Jaemin's still not sure what happened, other than remembering the resounding ringing of a gun going off, and after that; chaos.

Hell broke out. There was gunfire and blood on both sides. They were lucky to escape with everyone mostly uninjured and half of the group's supplies. More than enough to last them for a bit.

But Jisung—Jisung was fatally injured. Renjun did his best, and nobody blames him, but he bled out that night. Not enough bandages to go around and not enough medical supplies to truly care for him.

The night they lost Jisung is the night they fragmented for good. Chenle ran off in the night, taking a quarter of their newfound supplies. Renjun was still there when they woke, but parted ways with Jaemin and Donghyuck on the road.

Some piece of Jaemin still hopes they're still alive, out there somewhere. Maybe they've met up with each other. Or maybe they were rendered fleshless and now roam the earth like most of the population.

<>

"What was that last night?" Donghyuck asks in the morning while they're packing up.

"Hm?" Jaemin doesn't quite remember their conversation. "Sorry, I must've been half-asleep or something."

Donghyuck eyes him, but sighs fondly and presses a kiss to his forehead. "You were just being cheesy."

"Oh? And you liked it?" Jaemin waggles his eyebrows.

"Not at all, ranger," Donghyuck says. Jaemin doesn't move, rather choosing to twirl around and send him finger hearts. "Stop flirting and get in."

<>

While Donghyuck drives, Jaemin traces hearts on his arms. Donghyuck always tells him not to do it, claims it _distracts him from the road_ , but Jaemin's pretty sure he secretly loves it.

Sometimes he writes on his arms. _I love you_. Cutesy messages. He's only like 63% sure that Donghyuck doesn't know what he's writing, but Jaemin wouldn't mind if he did know.

"Jaemin," Donghyuck warns. "Stop that." Jaemin sighs and traces out one last smiley face before relenting.

"Why don't you ever do stuff like that to me?" he whines, flopping back onto his seat.

"Because I'm _driving_ ," Donghyuck says. "Two hands on the wheel, Jaem."

"There's plenty of other times you could do it."

Donghyuck huffs. "Fine," he says. "Ask me again when we're _not_ in a car."

<>

The car's almost out of gas as they roll up to a long-abandoned town. Jaemin's not worried about that. He's sure they'll have no issues finding a new one. They park it behind the laundromat and set down to wait.

It's not long before a dusty old car comes rolling through. Donghyuck's the one to flag them down this time.

The driver rolls down the window a crack. "Hi," Jaemin says. Donghyuck waves.

"You two alone?" he says, glancing around. Past him, Jaemin can spot one other boy. They both look to be about Jaemin's age. Easy.

"Yeah," he says.

"My names Mark," the driver says. "This is Jeno." The boy in the passenger seat waves. "Hop in."

<>

Mark is friendly. Jeno is more cautious. Jaemin leaves most of the talking to Donghyuck while he observes Jeno. Jeno keeps a careful eye on the two of them through the mirror. Jaemin makes sure not to catch his gaze while watching.

Strange, they haven't done anything yet to warrant such an over caution. Albeit, Jeno could just be one of those distrusting people. In this time, it wouldn't be unusual. But Jaemin has a feeling that's not it. He makes a note to speak with Jeno alone somehow.

Donghyuck loops an arm around Jaemin's shoulder, pulling him in close. Jaemin smiles widely, making sure Jeno can see. He winks when he sees Jeno's gaze shift.

<>

Jeno takes first shift when they stop for the night.

"Can I keep watch with you?" Jaemin asks. Jeno nods in form of an answer. It's quiet. A good thing, in times like these.

"I know who you are," Jeno says suddenly.

"Excuse me?"

"You—The two of you." Jeno gestures, sitting down. "You're murderers."

Jaemin snorts. "That's a bold claim," he says.  
"Renjun told me about you," Jeno says. Jaemin pauses. Renjun?

"And did he tell you he took part in it too?" Jaemin fires back.

"Of course," Jeno says. "We all have to do things to survive." Jeno strikes the flint against the steel. "But he was sorry. You two, you _enjoy_ it."

Jaemin's silent as the fire roars to life. Maybe Jeno is right. Maybe Jaemin does enjoy the slick of blood between his fingers too much. "There's no law anymore," Jaemin says.

"That doesn't mean we should be animals," Jeno says. "Somebody has to uphold civilization." The click of a cocked gun. Ah, Jaemin should've known better.

He smirks. "So you're going to kill me?" Jaemin laughs.

"It's to protect Mark," Jeno says. "He'd never do it. And you won't leave us, will you."

"What we're doing is to protect each other," Jaemin says. He turns to face Jeno. "You underestimate us."

"No," Jeno says. "I don't. And that's why I'm—"

"You don't know what I'm willing to do to keep him safe," Jaemin murmurs. Jeno hesitates, and it's all Jaemin needs. He grabs Jeno's arm and yanks him forward, sending him toppling to the ground. Jaemin smashes his face onto the ground, blood spotting the dirt. He only has a moment before Mark and Donghyuck wake. Without hesitation, Jaemin sinks his teeth into Jeno's arm.

<>

The screaming wakes Mark and Donghyuck.

"Jeno?" Mark yells. Donghyuck is right behind him as they race into the clearing.

"Jaemin bit me!" Jeno yells.

"He's infected," Jaemin says, careful to keep his voice level.

Mark hesitates. "What?" he asks.

"Jaemin's the one who bit me, not a zombie," Jeno spits. "They're crazy. They're going to kill us, Mark! You have to shoot them."

"Mark, think rationally. He's not in his right mind," Jaemin says. "He'll say anything to get you to believe him. We need to kill him. Now. Before he turns."

Mark clutches at his head, eyes flicking wildly between the two of them. To Jeno, he must look desperate for a solution that would please everyone. But Jaemin can see the seeds of doubt planted there. Jeno's fate is already sealed. "Jeno," he whispers.

"Please, Mark," Jeno says. "You have to listen to me. Jaemin—"

"Is it true?" Mark says, eyes red rimmed.

"No, Mark, you need to—"  
"Show me your arm," Mark says. Jeno doesn't move. "Jeno," Mark says, voice hard. Jaemin yanks him Jeno's sleeve, revealing the garish bite mark there. It's red and swollen, pus leaking from one of the cuts from Jaemin's teeth. It looks perfect. Jaemin struggles to keep a straight face as Mark's eyes widen.

Mark's hands are trembling violently as he turns the safety off his gun. "Jeno," Mark says again.

"Mark, no," Jeno pleads. "It's not real."

"That sure as hell looks real," Mark chokes out. "I—I'm sorry. Jeno. You know—" He inhales, and wipes his face on his sleeve. "You know I love you."

"Fuck, Mark. Do—"

Cool blood sprays across Jaemin's face, wet droplets landing on his clothes. He dares to let himself lick a few drops off of his fingers. It tastes sweet almost. Jaemin giggles, hysterical. Poor Jeno.

"You really are a fool, aren't you?" Jaemin says, grinning. He slowly wipes at blood on his cheeks, aware of how the specks smear into long red lines. Something dark flickers in Donghyuck's eyes across from him, only seen by Jaemin.

Mark is wordless. Perhaps too lost in his own thoughts to process what Jaemin said.

"He was telling the truth you know," Jaemin continues. "Maybe if you trusted him a little more, you'd both be alive still."

"I trusted him," Mark sniffles. "I loved him. It's these—the reanimated. The world we live in."

"He's not listening, is he," Donghyuck murmurs. He wraps an arm around Mark's shoulders, a faux gesture of comfort. "You poor baby," he whispers. "Don't worry. You'll join him soon."

Mark's neck snaps with a pleasing cracking sound. It resounds through the woods.

<>

Mark's blood is red and thin. Jaemin takes delight in sloughing of sheets of skin from his back to hang on the trees. When they're done, all that's left is the bare bones of a young couple.

"You done?" Donghyuck says. Jaemin nods and reaches up to itch at his eyes, not caring for the blood he's rubbing over his face. Donghyuck's eyes lower. "You've got something on your face, love."

"Oh?" Jaemin says, pretending to play innocent. "Where?"

Donghyuck leans in closer. He carefully swipes a finger over his cheek. It comes away bright. Donghyuck examines it before sucking it off. "There," he says.

Jaemin tilts his head. "Nothing more?"

"Maybe a few spots," Donghyuck says. "Why, you want me to clean them up for you?"

Jaemin bats his eyelashes. "Please?"

"You're too pretty for your own good," Donghyuck sighs.

<>

"Jeno knew," Jaemin says later on. "Renjun told him about us."

"Damn," Donghyuck sighs. "We've got a bit of a reputation then, huh?"

"Renjun could... prove to be trouble," Jaemin says. Donghyuck nods, understanding without needing any more.

In the morning, they drive east.

<>

Renjun was their resident medic and part time sniper. A useful set of skills in times like these. Jaemin's no fool though. Renjun's skills extend far past those two branches; it would be a major mistake on their part to underestimate him. There's a reason he's able to fly solo.

Finding him could prove difficult. In a world where cellphones and GPS are no longer a thing, tracking becomes considerably harder. Nonetheless, Jaemin smiles as he pulls out a dusty map from the glove compartment. The sun is blinding, golden rays shining directly in his eyes, but he doesn't even flinch as he turns to stare at Donghyuck.

Donghyuck's eyes are on the road, like the good driver he is, but Jaemin knows what he's thinking about. "Hyuckie," Jaemin whines, drawing out his name as long as he can. "I'm bored."

Donghyuck exhales. "Keep staring at the map," he says. "Maybe you'll be able to divine Renjun's location."

Jaemin chuckles to himself and shakes the map. Dust particles fly out, only visible due to being caught by the sunlight. "Alright," he murmurs. Donghyuck sends him a look for shooting dust everywhere, but says nothing more.

The steady thrum of the engine whirrs them onward.

<>

"Hyuck," Jaemin says.

Donghyuck hums. "Yes love?"

"Over there."

There's a pair of girls standing by a broken-down car. One of them is under the car, trying to fix it. The other, is standing nearby and kicking rocks.

Donghyuck brings the car to a slow.

"Excuse me miss," Donghyuck says, rolling up to her. "Do you happen to know of any medics nearby?"

The girl turns, her blonde braids bright against her shirt. "Medics?" She has a thick accent. Jaemin absentmindedly wonders where she was from originally, and what her story is. Not that it matters anyways.

"One," she says. "Very talented. Patched me and my partner up a little while ago. Kind of a grump though."

"What's their name?" Donghyuck asks.

"It was, Renjun I think?" She tilts her head.

 _No way_. Jaemin almost laughs at their luck. Donghyuck arches an eyebrow. "Renjun?" he repeats, pretending as if the way it rolls off his tongue is foreign.

"Lives down in the forest," she says. "It'll be worth your time if you're needing though."

"Maybe we should give him a visit," Jaemin says.

<>

A treehouse. Renjun's living in a goddamned treehouse. It looks nice enough; tall enough that any reanimated can't climb up.

"Renjun!" Jaemin calls. "We know you're there." Donghyuck spins the cylinder on his revolver absentmindedly.

"Think he's home?" he asks. Jaemin barely has time to answer before the whizz of a bullet brushes by his head. He spins, looking for the source. Jaemin narrows his eyes. Renjun's somewhere near.

"You missed," Jaemin taunts. He can practically hear Renjun swearing in his mind as he reloads his sniper. "And I thought you used to be good at sniping."

"Jaemin, get—"

Another crack. Wood splinters rain down from the tree behind Jaemin. Jaemin makes a few hand gestures to Donghyuck. _Somewhere East_. Donghyuck nods, and starts to close in silently.

"Another miss? Perhaps you've lost your touch," Jaemin drawls. He opens his arms wide, a mocking gesture of friendship. "Come on now. I can't wait for you to kill me." He grins. Renjun always took about five seconds to reload. If he's right, then he only needs to—

Jaemin hisses, pain stinging his cheek. He touches his face; wet. He hopes it doesn't scar. "Closer," Jaemin says. "Don't tell me you're a tease now."

Five seconds pass. And then another. The telltale crack of gunfire. A yell. Renjun's voice, not Donghyuck's. Jaemin's lips curl upwards. _Got him_.

<>

Donghyuck dumps Renjun at Jaemin's feet with the smugness of a cat who's caught his prey. Renjun swears loudly in Chinese, and then again in English.

"You bastards," he spits. "What the fuck do you want." Jaemin eyes the bullet hole in his thigh as he struggles to stand. Bright blood. Jaemin never tasted his.

"Hello Renjun," Jaemin says, voice even. "It's nice to see you again."

"Cut the bullshit," Renjun says. "You going to kill me?"

"We ran into some friends of yours," Jaemin continues, ignoring the way Renjun is glaring holes in his jacket. "Jeno and Mark, I believe their names were?"

Renjun stills. "You killed them," he says.

"Technically Mark killed Jeno," Jaemin says. Renjun snorts.

"He'd never."

"He was too gullible," Donghyuck says. "You chose poor company after you left us."

Renjun fumes. "You sick bastards. I'll—"

Jaemin levels his gun with Renjun's head. "We can't have you ruining _all_ our fun though." Jaemin smirks. "You were correct in your earlier assumption."

Renjun gawks, twisting to look between Donghyuck and Jaemin. "We were friends," Renjun spits.

"We were," Donghyuck says. "But he’s more important."

"You want the honors?" Jaemin asks.

Donghyuck rolls his eyes. "You just don't want blood on your new jacket," he says.

"Don't—"

The rustling of leaves attracts all of their attention. Jaemin motions for Donghyuck to hold Renjun while he scouts. He lifts himself up into the tree branches easily.

"A horde," he says, dropping back down.  
"Fuck, seriously?" Donghyuck sighs. "Let's finish this."

"Wait," Renjun scrambles to grab at Donghyuck's pants. "I can help you. If it's a horde. You know me. I'm a good shot."

"What's the point in that? Afterwards you'll just run off and cause us more trouble," Donghyuck snorts. He shakes his leg to detach Renjun. "This ends now."

Renjun snarls and lunges. Donghyuck's shot flies into the air, disrupted by Renjun knocking him to the ground. Jaemin has faith in Donghyuck's abilities, so he turns to deal with the oncoming horde.

Shooting them down only chips away at the mass. They need to run. "Donghyuck," he says, turning.

"I lost him," Donghyuck says, wiping blood from his lip.

"He won't get far," Jaemin says.

"Yeah, but we have more pressing matters," Donghyuck says, gesturing to the horde closing in.

"Have enough bullets?" Jaemin asks. He presses his back into Donghyuck's as they slowly rotate to face the reanimated. The reanimated are always so much more trouble than humans. They're like pests, except larger and infinitely more dangerous.

"For now," Donghyuck says. "Ready?"

"Always." Jaemin smiles.

<>

They make it out of the forest alive. Low on bullets and out of breath, but alive. It's their closest call with so many reanimated. Of course, Jaemin's brilliant plan of running through the horde almost got them killed but they made it, didn't they?

"That was—" Donghyuck pants, "—a stupid ass idea." Donghyuck sighs, and glances towards the forest where the horde is emerging from. "I can't believe—Jaemin?" Donghyuck says, alarm creeping into his voice.

"Shit, shit," Jaemin gasps. Pain radiates from his side. He knows what he'll see if he lifts up his shirt. His legs shake as he stumbles to a nearby building to lean on. With a trembling hand he presses against the wound. Dark red leaks out and starts to spread on his shirt, almost like watercolor.

"Shit," Donghyuck repeats. He rushes over, one arm around Jaemin's waist, the other hovering above the seeping blood. Almost like he was afraid to touch it.

Jaemin bites his lip and shakes his head. "I'm—" Jaemin inhales. Breath doesn't seem to come easy anymore. Is it really that fast? Or is Jaemin panicking? "I'm infected." There's no other way to say it. It's never a reality they thought would come to pass. They were always more concerned with humans than _them_. Who would've ever thought a reanimated would be their downfall?

"Don't—Don't joke with me now," Donghyuck laughs shakily. "You're kidding, right? No, wait, don't answer that. I know you're not. Right? Because you can't be—" Donghyuck shakes his head furiously, hair flying. "No. You're not."

Jaemin grabs his hand. "Donghyuck," he says. "I'm serious. It's—" He exhales and lifts his shirt. Donghyuck's sharp inhale at the gory sight of Jaemin's stomach is all he needs for confirmation.

"I'm not letting you die," Donghyuck says, deadly serious. "Come on," he says. Donghyuck lifts Jaemin up easily. He keeps one arm on Jaemin, the other pointing a gun at the oncoming mass.

"Car." is all Donghyuck says before dumping him in the backseat of a dusty sedan. He slams the door behind him before climbing in the driver's seat himself.

<>

Luckily there's enough gas left to leave the horde in the dust. The rumbling of the engine is the only sound as Donghyuck presses onwards. Neither of them knows what to say. Jaemin doesn't know what to say. It would be meaningless to offer words of comfort when they both know the reality of the situation. Besides, Jaemin doesn't think he'd appreciate false words. He never was the type.

"Donghyuck," Jaemin croaks. Donghyuck turns his head slightly. "Stop the car." He doesn't reply, but the engine sputters to a stop. Jaemin ignores the way he leaves blood streaks on the cushioning of the car as he climbs out. His legs shake to support him, but he stands nonetheless. Donghyuck looks as if he wants to reach out, to help support him but doesn't say anything.

So neither does Jaemin.

There's a slight breeze. It whips through Jaemin's hair, blowing the strands all over his face. It's a nice day. Warm. The sky is clear, puffy clouds dotting the vast blue above them. All in all, it's a good day to die.

"I never thought it'd end like this," Jaemin says. He feels strangely _calm_ right now. He supposes if his life were to end here, with Donghyuck at his side, then it was a good life.

"Stop talking like that," Donghyuck says.

Jaemin laughs. "Like I'm going to die?" he says. "It's the truth though." Donghyuck's silent. "I don't want to make you—"

"No," Donghyuck says, with such ferocity it surprises Jaemin. "I won't allow you." Jaemin feels warmth bubble up in his chest.

"Hyuck," he says. "I—"

"There's a lab nearby," Donghyuck says. "They should have _something_."

Jaemin sighs. "It'll be untested at best," he says.

"Untested is still better than nothing," Donghyuck says, voice barely above a whisper. "It's something. Right?" Jaemin chooses not to mention the fact that there might not even _be_ anything of use in the lab. Who knows what the government was cooking up in their secret hideaways? Jaemin had doubts it was anything good. If they were trying for a cure, people would see more efforts of it. But there's been nothing. Radio silence from the government. They abandoned everybody; which proves his point that they wouldn't be the ones to make a cure.

"We'd be wasting time," Jaemin says. "This— _This_ is all we have now. I want to—" Jaemin's throat clogs, the words stuck in the back of his mouth. "I want to be with you," he manages. He takes Donghyuck's hand in his and starts tracing. "For my last days." Donghyuck wavers. "Please," he says. "You can count it as my last wish." He goes for humor, but it falls flat.

Finally, Donghyuck looks up at him. He strokes a thumb over Jaemin's cheek. "For you, anything," he murmurs. "But it might not have to be your last days." The fire burns bright in his eyes. Donghyuck really _believes_ , and who is Jaemin to deny him that? "We could—"

"Ok," Jaemin says, and Donghyuck smiles.

<>

Jaemin supposes if Donghyuck believes so strongly, that's enough for him. In the end, he was always at the mercy of Donghyuck's wishes and his last days were to be no different. All he wants to do is spend it with Donghyuck. No matter how.

They park their car on the edge of the forest. Far away enough that they won't be able to be spotted by the guard rounds but close enough to run to should things get testy.

Jaemin knows he won't be the one running though. Just planning took about a day, and the chances of Jaemin turning now are higher than ever. If this fails... Jaemin swallows. If this fails, he won't be walking out of this place. At least, not alive.

Donghyuck glances to him. A question. Jaemin nods, and hefts his backpack up.

They walk in silence. Donghyuck no doubt thinking about what they need to do once they reach the facility. Jaemin, about the impending feeling of doom growing in his stomach. It gnaws at him while they march through the woods.

A cold wind blows, biting at Jaemin's bare arms. He shivers.

"Where's your jacket?" Donghyuck asks, frowning.

"In the car," Jaemin says. "Must've forgotten it." Donghyuck doesn't look like he believes him for a second. In truth, Jaemin left it on purpose. Something for Donghyuck should everything go wrong. He knows it won't be much of a comfort, but it'll be something.

They walk on.

<>

They sneak in between the guard shifts. Getting in wasn't so bad. Jaemin thinks getting out will be harder.

It's quiet. Almost too quiet. There's the occasional distant footsteps of maybe a scientist or guard, but otherwise it's empty. Endless stretches of white painted hallways lay out before them.

"Which way?" Jaemin asks. Donghyuck shrugs.

"Left?" he says.

They go left.

<>

His chest hurts. There's a strange rattling sound with every inhale he takes. His muscles burn, like the bare thought of movement is straining them. His legs have started to shake, not unlike those of a newborn doe who can't walk properly. He hopes Donghyuck doesn't turn. He hopes he doesn't notice.

 _This is what it feels like to die_ , Jaemin acknowledges dully. _I'm dying_.

He coughs, the feeling of something wet clinging to the back of his throat. He swallows. "Donghyu—"

The screech of an alarm interrupts him. His heart nearly jumps out of his chest at the sound. The lights switch off, an emergency red painting the area. _Blood_ , Jaemin thinks, and thinks of the scent of liquid copper.

"Shit," Donghyuck says, and sprints towards the end of the hallway. Jaemin stumbles after him, legs sluggish and uncooperating. He's—He needs to—

Jaemin knows there's not much time before he begins to turn. He's running on fumes now, borrowed time. "Donghyuck," he manages out. "You have to leave." Jaemin won't risk it. He won't risk turning and then either infecting Donghyuck or making him kill him. Donghyuck wouldn't be able to, and Jaemin knows it because _he_ wouldn't be able to either. And no way in hell is he going to let Donghyuck be killed by himself.

"And you're coming with me, don't be stupid," Donghyuck spits, all fire and passionate spirit. Determined to get them both out of here when Jaemin already knows there's nothing more to be done for him.

"Hyuck," Jaemin pleads. Maybe this is the last time he'll say his name. Over and over again. He needs to keep it in his mind before he loses it. "Donghyuck. Hyuck." Donghyuck pauses. "They'll kill you. I'm not—I can't run anymore. You have to go."

"No," Donghyuck says.

Jaemin smiles, watery and thin. "I love you."

"Jaemin, I—"

"Go," Jaemin says, more urgent.

Donghyuck doesn't move; grip iron on his arm. "I'm not leaving you." His voice cracks. The wall is tumbling down now. He can feel his muscles begin to tremble with the effort it takes to stand. Jaemin doesn't have long now. Donghyuck needs to leave. Jaemin needs to make him leave.

"Hyuck," Jaemin says. "I love you so much." Jaemin can hear footsteps pounding down the corridor. The government is closing in on them. Jaemin doesn't have time. Donghyuck doesn't have time. They've run out.

"Shut the fuck up. You're not dying, so—" There's a million more things Jaemin would like to say, but the first soldier rounds the corner and—

"I won't let you die because of me," Jaemin says. With as much strength as he can muster, he wrenches his arm out of Donghyuck's hand and fires.

oo0o0oo

Dripping.

The pad of his shoes against the hard pavement.

Breathe. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. Push forward. Keep going. You can't stop now. If you stop, they'll catch you. They'll catch you. And they'll kill you, because that's what the government does now.

Fuck the government. Fuck everything. The world's a shithole, but it's always been that way. Now it just has reason to show its ugly face.

Donghyuck's chest heaves as he forces himself to keep moving. He has to. There's no other choice. He keeps running until he's at the other edge of the forest, and only then does he circle back to where they hid the car.

Jaemin's blood is on his face. His body fell to the ground, limp and unmoving, Donghyuck too unreactive to catch him properly. The ring of the gunshot lingers even now in his ears, as he drives away from the lab.

What will he do now? What even is there to do now? Jaemin is dead. Not even a body to bury because Donghyuck was too much of a fool to take it with him. The laboratory will burn it once they find him, he knows.

When he gets back to ~~their~~ (his car now) he takes Jaemin's jacket he left behind and burns it on the edge of the forest. He doesn't care for the groans of the reanimated that approach. _They're_ always easier to deal with than humans.

Donghyuck continues. It's all he can do. Supplies and ammo. Supplies and ammo. As he tears the people's flesh to shreds, he thinks of Jaemin, and his fascination with blood. He thinks of Jaemin as he stains his hands with so much red the scent of copper and blood never leaves. He thinks of Jaemin as he watches the beach sands turn dark under the corpse at his hands. It's just moonlight and blood and the empty ocean waters. Nobody here now to watch him, nobody here to stop him, nobody.

<>

Donghyuck wonders what'll happen when he kills the last human on earth. It's their fault anyways, for letting the world become like this. It's all he can do. Purge the earth of them. Destroy them all. There's nobody left for Donghyuck anymore anyways. Everybody on this planet is destined to die at some point, Donghyuck might as well fulfill Jaemin's wishes before he goes too.

Over and over he rips through groups of people like they are paper dolls. He feels nothing as he watches their life blood spill to the ground. So much death at his hands and before him and yet all he can think of is the scent of blood and the feeling of broken flesh beneath his palms.

<>

Jaemin died with a smile on his face. His last words were technically not _I love you_ , but in a way they were. Jaemin gave up his life so Donghyuck could escape. Logically, Donghyuck knows that Jaemin would've never made it out of the laboratory alive either way, but he still wishes he could've saved him somehow.

At night, Donghyuck repeats his voice over and over in his mind. The first thing you forget about somebody is their voice, after all, and Donghyuck swears he'll kill himself before he lets that happen.

<>

Donghyuck sees Jaemin in his dreams sometimes. One night he dreams of them fighting a horde of zombies on a hill, except this time they come out unscathed. At the end, surrounded by piles of corpses Jaemin hugs Donghyuck and whispers in his ears. Donghyuck can't remember what he said, but it felt important at the time.

Sometimes it's just them on the road. Sometimes it's Donghyuck driving, other times it's Jaemin. But he's always lit by the glow of the evening sun on his face, golden light illuminating his softer features. Sometimes, just sometimes, Donghyuck misses those times from _before_. When everything wasn't so bloody and covered in the stench of rotting flesh.

<>

In the morning Donghyuck wakes up to find his car surrounded by five or six government Humvees with military men pointing guns at him.

"Lee Donghyuck!" They shout through a megaphone. "We have you surrounded. Come out of the car with your hands up."

 _What the fuck_ , Donghyuck thinks. Since when did they care about murderers again? Donghyuck scowls but complies anyways. As much as he'd love to join Jaemin in the grave, he's not about to foolishly throw away his life that Jaemin gave him because he thought he could win in a shootout between Donghyuck and his revolver and several military grade tanks.

"What am I being charged with?" He yells back. The men don't answer, each one of their faces impassive. Donghyuck doesn't even get a chance to curse at them before somebody comes up from behind and knocks him out.

<>

Donghyuck wakes up in an all-white room. His clothes are gone, replaced with a basic white tee and a pair of scratchy white hospital pants. He barely has any time to bemoan the loss of his favorite jacket before the door beeps and swings open.

Donghyuck sits up in time to watch a stern looking nurse enter, wheeling a metal tray in with her.

"Lee Donghyuck," she drones. "We're just going to run a few tests to make sure you're clean before we can release you." Donghyuck is wordless as she slides the syringe into his arm. It stings, but Donghyuck barely feels it.

Somehow, he doesn't think "release" means the same thing to both of them. The rest of the tests are standard doctor's procedures he remembers getting from going to the pediatrician's office. Blood pressure, stethoscope, eyes, ears...

Donghyuck wonders why they want him.

The nurse leaves after she finishes, and Donghyuck lapses into sleep once more.

<>

When he wakes up, the nurse returns. She declares him ready to leave, and leads him down a series of hallways. They pass other nurses and doctors, all very professional and stern looking. None of them spare a glance to Donghyuck as they walk by. None of them smile.

Soon, they reach a long hallway leading to a pair of metal double doors. The glistening letters above the door stand out against the white concrete. _The Rachel Rehabilitation Center for Youths_.

Rehabilitation. What bullshit. The government never cared for anybody like him before, so why would they start now? Maybe Donghyuck's being a little pessimistic but he's calling this whole thing bullshit. It reeks of covering something up.

The nurse scans a card. The double doors creak open and Donghyuck's faced with something he'd never see again.

A cafeteria. Dull grey tables and other teens wearing white outfits like him swivel to stare at him as he enters. It's quiet.

"This is Donghyuck," the nurse announces. Nobody replies. The nurse must be used to this by now, because her face remains impassive as she prods Donghyuck forward. Donghyuck takes a tentative step into the cafeteria. This is probably his last chance to escape from whatever hellhole the government decided to throw him in. He should run for it now. Maybe he'd make it down the hall, before the guards caught him and tasered him into submission. Or maybe they'd shoot him in the head for being too difficult.

Donghyuck's not sure which he'd prefer.

He wavers in his decision, and the nurse turns around, walking back through the double doors.

The doors swing shut.

<>

Donghyuck collects his tray of cafeteria ~~prison~~ food and shuffles his way to an empty table. He didn't particularly feel like making friends here. Everybody looks so glum anyways. Donghyuck wonders if he looks like that too. He should've run for it. He should've tried, at least. Doesn't he want to be free again?

But he didn't. He hesitated, and the chance slipped through his fingers like water.

He wonders if Jaemin would've run for it.

Somebody coughs. Donghyuck looks up from his tray to see three boys before him.

"Hi," one says lamely. Donghyuck glares holes into his white uniform. "I'm Hendery," he continues. "And this is Yangyang and Xiaojun." Yangyang gives him a small wave while Xiaojun just stares. "Can we sit?"

"Donghyuck," he says slowly. "Whatever."

They sit. Donghyuck makes no effort to look them over or participate in the meager small talk they're making.

"Hey," Hendery says sharply. Donghyuck jerks his head up to look at him. "At least tell us why you're here." Hendery says.

There's no point in lying. It's not like Donghyuck really cares either. "Murder," he says simply. There's a soft 'Oh' from Yangyang. "And you?"

"Theft," Hendery says. "All of us."

Donghyuck raises an eyebrow. "You related?"

"Not quite," he says. "Closest thing to family though. You?"

Donghyuck's fork hovers midair for a second. "I used to," he admits softly. "They're gone now."

Hendery's face turns sympathetic. "I'm sorry," he says, but it's genuine. Genuine people are hard to come by these days.

<>

At night, Donghyuck lies awake on his cot and wonders why he even wants to escape. It's not like there's much out there for him anyways. Jaemin is gone. Jaemin is _gone_. All that's left out there is bloodshed and violence. The scent of blood and the feeling of adrenaline pumping through his veins. Enough to make him still feel alive, sometimes.

He misses it, but not as much as he wishes Jaemin were still here.

At least here he is ensured enough food and water. Here he doesn't have to worry about the reanimated.

If Donghyuck's enough of a fool, he could pretend Jaemin would've liked it here. That they could've lived out their lives stuck in this prison, a facade of domesticity and peace.

<>

In his dreams, Donghyuck clings to the vision of Jaemin, as if he could make him reappear in the dismal room with him in the morning.

<>

The three of them sit with him the next day. And the next. And the next, until Donghyuck stops bothering to glare at them when they plop themselves beside him. At some point, his resentment of the facility faded into a quiet null. He doesn't really care. Besides, there's nothing left for him out there anyways. Might as well spend his last days living in a makeshift prison with enough food and water.

At one point, the conversation turns to loved ones. Xiaojun makes a comment about missing his mother, which prompts him to turn to Donghyuck and ask: "Is your family alive?"

"Are yours?" Donghyuck jabs. They fall silent. He almost apologizes, but the Hendery speaks before he can.

"No," Hendery says, with a surprising amount of tenderness. "My parents died early on."

Donghyuck hesitates before adding, "Mine too," he says. "But—" The three of them watch Donghyuck silently, waiting for him to finish. "But I used to have someone," he says. _Why is he telling them this?_ "They're gone now. They were infected."

Yangyang's face crumples, and he reaches out a hand. Donghyuck hates this. Hates the sympathy or empathy or whichever one. Maybe both. God knows everyone's lost somebody in their life time. Some more than others. He just wants...

He just wants him back.

"I miss him," he admits quietly.

<>

After that, there's a garnered trust between them all. It's almost nice to have friends again. Almost. Donghyuck never forgets the empty presence beside him.

"Why are we here again?" Hendery wonders out loud one day.

"Rehabilitation," Yangyang says through a mouthful of food. "Starting the world over."

"You can't be buying that shit," Xiaojun murmurs, careful to keep his voice low. Donghyuck can see Hendery staring at him through the corner of his eye, but he keeps his gaze on his tray and says nothing.

"Of course not," Yangyang huffs. "But it's not like we can do anything about it, right?"

Hendery smirks. "I've got an idea."

<>

Hendery instructs Donghyuck to break out of his cell two hours after the night lockdown. He slips him a slim knife and asks him if he knows how to pick locks.

Donghyuck does.

Waiting two hours means Donghyuck has to _count_ , which is annoying. There's no clocks in this place. Or at least there aren't any that they could see. What use would prisoners need for a clock anyways?

Donghyuck counts anyways, even though his mind shrieks with boredom. Two hours is 120 seconds. _It doesn't need to be exact,_ Hendery had said. _Just approximate, so that you don't get caught by the next rotation of guards._

He's put a lot of thought into this. Escape obviously has been on Hendery's mind for a while. But why are they bothering to take Donghyuck with them?

_112... 113... 114..._

He supposes it doesn't really matter. If they escape, they escape. If they don't, they don't.

_117... 118... 119..._

Donghyuck sits up. He fiddles with the knife.

 _120_.

It's showtime.

<>

Donghyuck is quick to sprint down the corridors towards the cafeteria. Hopefully Hendery and the others would be waiting there already.

"There's a shaft," Hendery had said. "It'll take us to the lower levels where the staff and scientists work."

From there, it's a dash to the parking lot. Donghyuck can hotwire any car, provided there is one there.

"The night shift's cars should be there," Hendery had said. "But we need to be quiet. And fast."

Apparently, Donghyuck is the fastest. There's nobody at the cafeteria yet. Donghyuck sighs, but resigns himself to waiting.

A few moments later, Yangyang rounds the corner, Xiaojun close behind.

"Where's Hendery?" Yangyang asks.

Donghyuck shrugs. "How would I know?"

Xiaojun bends over, panting. "Give him a few moments."

They wait. Donghyuck counts.

_60... 61... 62..._

Yangyang's worried. Xiaojun's pacing back and forth. The seconds tick by.

_65... 66... 67..._

_How long before they should give up?_ he wonders. Would they ever give up? That kind of unshakeable faith in another. Donghyuck used to have that too.

Used to.

The padding of approaching footsteps sends them all on high alert. They wait, tense as it draws nearer. If it's a guard they're all fucked. Nowhere to run. Maybe the guard would shoot them on sight. Maybe they'd be hauled back and tortured as punishment or to set an example.

Donghyuck's never been particularly fond of pain.

Moments tick by as the footsteps draw closer. Xiaojun's eyes flick towards him, a silent question in them. Donghyuck doesn't bother to return his gaze. They all chose this. No turning back now.

The footsteps stop.

"Sorry—" It's Hendery. He's huffing as he comes to a stop, cheeks flushed. "Got in a little trouble with a guard." Donghyuck tilts his head, and wonders what he did. "Let's go," he says, face hard as steel.

The scent of copper wafts off his suit.

<>

Hendery leads them to the shaft. He pries it open with the help of Yangyang and Xiaojun. Nobody asks what happened with the guard and Hendery doesn't bring it up again.

<>

They walk. The hallways and floors here are all white, like the hospital area Donghyuck was in before. It reminds him of old horror movies, where the protagonist is exploring some creepy mental institute or something.

"Creepy," Xiaojun mutters, trying to stare through one of the dark windows.

"Keep moving," Hendery says.

Hendery leads them through a dizzying set of lefts and rights. Donghyuck has no idea how he knows where he's going, and he frankly doesn't care as long as they get out in one piece. Hendery's entitled to his secrets. God knows Donghyuck has his.

They turn again, coming upon a particularly long hallway. A jolt of recognition starts through Donghyuck. This is—  
"Wait!" Donghyuck yells, speeding back around the corner. He can hear the others shouting his name behind him, but he can't bring himself to care because this place... This place is where—

No. It might not be true. There're probably facilities like this all around the country and they probably all have the same goddamn layout but—

There's a _chance._ Donghyuck has to take it.

He rounds the corner. The spot where—where _it_ happened is spotless. Donghyuck doesn't know if that's because he's hallucinating the situation or because of their impeccable cleaning skills. The door behind it has a metal sign above it. _Morgue_ , it reads.

Donghyuck swallows. It's worth a chance. He twists the handle.

Locked, of course. That's not going to stop him. He pushes down and with a well-placed kick the door flies open, banging against the wall on the other side. The sound echoes around the room. As he steps inside, the lights flicker on. On one side there's the large metal lockers, all with numbers pasted on the outside. Dead bodies. Donghyuck stares at them. Should he just try all of them...?

He reaches for the first one when a low groan catches his attention. He turns to try and find the source, and in the corner—

 _Shit_.

<>

Donghyuck prays to whatever god there is out there that Jaemin doesn't bite him or else this will all be for naught. Hendery and the others went ahead, supposedly leaving Donghyuck behind he assumes but he knows this layout from here. He can get out.

Jaemin's silent as Donghyuck all but drags his limp body down the hallway. It's—it's still _him._ Even though he smells of death, but not the death he used to wear as a shield. He smells of decay, and of human corpse.

Not of copper and the tinge of blood.

Donghyuck does his best not to gag and presses forward.

<>

The car is still in the parking lot as he stumbles outside the facility. The wave of fresh air hits his face like a punch. It's humid, and the scent of cedar is pungent.

"Wait!" Donghyuck screams. The car doesn't move. He forces himself to go faster.

Donghyuck hauls Jaemin into the car with him, ignoring the sickening way his limbs flop around.

"Drive!" he shouts, as he slams the door closed behind him.

"What the fuck!" Xiaojun shrieks from beside him. "Is that a corpse?" Hendery's gaze is sharp from the mirror.

"Donghyuck," he starts.

Donghyuck growls, clutching at Jaemin's arm. "Just drive!" he says. "We don't have time for this."

Hendery drives.

<>

"Explain," Hendery demands.

"It's him," Donghyuck says. "The—Who I told you guys about."

Yangyang sucks in a breath. "Shit," Hendery curses. "Donghyuck, we can't—"

"I wasn't going to _leave_ him there," Donghyuck spits. Then, softer; "Not again."

Hendery looks at him with a mixture of pity and sympathy in his eyes. "He's reanimated," he says.

"He's—He's fine," Donghyuck says.

"He's gone!" Hendery shouts. "Whoever he was before—before he _died_ is gone. You have to accept it."

"I can fix this." Donghyuck stares at the ground, still clutching onto Jaemin's limp body. He's glad that whatever the scientists did to him made him so compliant. He's sure if Jaemin attacked now, Hendery wouldn't hesitate to put a bullet in his head. And then Jaemin would be gone. Gone for real.

"Hendery," Xiaojun starts, reaching out but Hendery shoves his arm away.

"I like you Donghyuck, but I'm not going to risk their lives just because you want to hang onto some corpse," Hendery says.

Donghyuck shakes his head. "He's not just 'some corpse.'"

Hendery looks pained. "Donghyuck—"

"Go," he says. "If you want to leave. Then leave. See if I give a fuck." Hendery throws him one last pitying look before leaving him alone.

They're all gone in the morning.

<>

It's almost like it used to be, just Jaemin and Donghyuck, except Jaemin's a corpse and Donghyuck's never felt more like one then now. He leaves Jaemin in the car mostly and locks the door. Reanimateds can't open car doors, right?

Jaemin doesn't seem inclined to try and break the windows to bust out, so Donghyuck leaves him alone and hopes he doesn't murder him in his sleep.

At least Hendery was kind enough to leave the car with him.

Driving is awkward, to say the least. Donghyuck is tempted to leave Jaemin in the backseat, but Hendery is right. Jaemin is reanimated. Even though he's been fairly mild mannered for now, Donghyuck's no good to him if he gets infected too.

So he goes in the trunk. While he drives, he can't stop thinking about the fact that Jaemin's corpse (body, corpse, what is it really?) is in his trunk. He almost thinks it would be better if Jaemin were violent. Because then it would convince Donghyuck Jaemin's gone. If he were mindless and tried to maul Donghyuck every few seconds, it would be easier to try and put a bullet in his head.

But this? The quiet sort of acceptance that reanimated Jaemin presents as Donghyuck shuffles him around, eyes glazed over and limbs heavy. This is so close to almost being _alive_ , that Donghyuck can't help but hope that Jaemin, _his_ Jaemin is still alive in there somewhere.

<>

There's a mark on Jaemin's head where the bullet entered his brain. A small circular opening rimmed by scar tissue. Donghyuck wonders if the bullets still in there, or if the scientists removed it when they experimented on him.

<>

"People say to go for the headshot, but I think if you ever aim for me, go for the heart," Jaemin had said (as if Donghyuck could ever kill him, ever look him in the eyes as he fired a bullet into his chest and watch the life drain from his eyes. Maybe that's why Jaemin did it; because he knew Donghyuck could never). He stood and took Donghyuck's hand in his (warm, like how they used to be) and placed his gun flat over his heart. Donghyuck remembers being able to feel his heartbeat through his shirt.

"Because even if you shoot my head, my heart will still beat for you, Donghyuck," Jaemin had said. His heartbeat a steady rhythm against the flat of Donghyuck's gun barrel. "So if you kill me, aim for the heart." At the time Donghyuck had thrown his head back and laughed. And then Jaemin had told him he looked beautiful, because that's the kind of person Jaemin was, despite the gore and his love of blood. Kind.

Now, if he pressed his hands flat against Jaemin's chest now he wouldn't be able to feel anything. An empty body with nobody inside.

<>

Jaemin's hands are cold now. The blood that flows through them is no longer that beautiful shade of red Jaemin used to love. Donghyuck doesn't even think this Jaemin would care to see it. Can he even smell it? Can he smell the aura of death that's shrouded Donghyuck for so long that he can no longer smell it himself, too used to the scent of coppery liquid to see?

<>

Donghyuck needed help.

Renjun had a reputation there. He helped people. He wouldn't just abandon that. Donghyuck expected him to abandon his little treehouse after his skirmish with them, but he wouldn't have gone far.

Donghyuck knocks on seven doors before he finds him.

"Donghyuck," Renjun says, before reaching up to rub at his forehead like he's a bad headache that won't go away. "What do you want."

Donghyuck's mouth is dry. What does he say? Last time he saw him he had a gun pointed at his head. How does he even explain what happened? "Are we okay?" he asks instead.

Renjun snorts. "Depends on your definition of _okay_ , but yeah," he says. "Come in." Donghyuck enters tentatively. It's a small, weary house. It smells of dust and disuse, and is obviously not Renjun's house.

"Nice place," he says.

Renjun swats at him. "Don't be crass," he says, sitting down on a plastic covered chair. "Now, why are you here?"

"Jaemin's dead," Donghyuck says. He stuffs his hands into his jean's pockets, like it would stop them from shaking every time he says it out loud. "I need your help."

"To bury him? Sure, you have a shovel?"

"Not that," Donghyuck swallows. "To cure him."

Renjun pauses, before letting out a low whistle. "Donghyuck, don't tell me—"

"Please Renjun," Donghyuck says. "I have to try."

Renjun's eyes are hard. "There's no cure, Hyuck," he says. "You know that."

"Not yet." Donghyuck shakes his head. "But you—you're _smart_. You know medicine. Is it possible?"

Renjun presses his lips together. "I don't know," he admits. "I barely know half the research done on it. And even if I could cure him, I don't have the proper equipment."

"Then—then I'll steal it from whoever does," Donghyuck says. Renjun barks a laugh.

"Nobody does anymore," he says. "Nobody except maybe the government, but we all know nobody's getting in or out of those facilities without a bullet to their head."

"I did," Donghyuck says. Renjun cocks an eyebrow. "Me and three other people. And Jaemin. It's where I found him again."

"Bullshit."

"We got _out_ ," he repeats. "Which means I can go back in."

"You'd be a goddamned fool if—"

"Please," Donghyuck pleads. "It's—it's _Jaemin_." His voice cracks. "I _have_ to try." He must look really desperate now. Oh how the might fall. Broken down and barely functioning now, Donghyuck's come all but crawling on his knees to Renjun to beg him for help.

And by some miracle, Renjun softens. "I'm not promising anything," he says.

It's not a guarantee, or a cure, but Donghyuck feels like weeping.

<>

They keep Jaemin in the basement of the house. They lock the door and chain it shut. Reanimated don't need to be fed. Or at least, Donghyuck hopes they don't need to be. Occasionally they hear shuffling, but it's mostly quiet. Donghyuck worries if Jaemin's suddenly dropped dead down there. _Dead_ dead. The kind of dead where he won't be walking around anymore.

Funny that there's even a dead where you _can_ walk around. How strange times have gotten. Donghyuck would laugh if it weren't for the fact that Jaemin was one of them.

(The thought of Jaemin, _Jaemin_ being possibly gone forever still hasn't struck him. It's the only time he's ever been grateful for the reanimated.)

<>

Jaemin appears in his dream that night. Nothing new. Donghyuck sees him almost every night. This time it's his sixteenth birthday party. Donghyuck's seated beside him. If he closed his fist, he would be able to feel the crunch of paper from the white envelope in his hand. It's tempting to try, but he doesn't. Tonight, he can follow the script. It'll be a happy dream.

The cake. Jaemin's mom carrying it slowly, as to not drop it as she did once his twelfth birthday. "Happy birthday Jaemin," she says while she places it before him. Jaemin grins, wide and happy. He moves to blow out the candles but Donghyuck grabs his arm. Jaemin's arm his warm underneath his grip, the feeling of skin, of being _alive_ almost throws Donghyuck off.

"Wait," he manages to say as Jaemin's mom runs off to get the camera. Jaemin chuckles, and turns to face him. Donghyuck prepares himself to say his lines when out of the corner of his eyes he sees blue.

Blue. Outside the window—instead of the suburban neighborhood that Donghyuck knew like the back of his palm—is the sea. Rising waves crest and fall, the water almost higher than the window.

"Donghyuck?" Jaemin says, tilting his head, and all Donghyuck can see or think about is the roar of water and the blue of the ocean outside. Jaemin says something more. Donghyuck can see his lips moving, but he can't hear the words he's saying. Beyond him the sea rises higher— _higher_ than Donghyuck ever imagines it could be in reality. The wave stands almost taller than a skyscraper, with the water threatening to crash down on them both.

Jaemin doesn't seem to notice it behind him though. He's unmoving in its shadow as he smiles. Donghyuck thinks he might be saying something again, his words are lost amongst the sound of rushing water.

Donghyuck finds himself rooted to the spot. He can't make himself move. Can't force himself to shout out to tell them to _get out of the way_. He supposes he doesn't have a choice in this dream. Instead, he leans over slowly as Jaemin's mom raises the camera.

When he wakes, his eyes are wet.

<>

"Be careful," Renjun says.

Donghyuck nods, and hefts his bag higher onto his shoulder.

<>

The facility isn't too far from where Renjun lives.

Donghyuck goes in the exact same way he got out. Through the parking lot, down the hallways, up the shaft. He does it at night, almost the same time they escaped. When the number of guards is at its lowest and the files he desperately needs are at their most vulnerable.

The labs are on the floor above the rehabilitation floor. Donghyuck ignores the wrenching feeling in his gut as he passes by the hallway with cells where teenagers— _children—_ are kept away.

Donghyuck picks opens the first lab he sees. Test tubes are all over the tables. Scattered piles of paper litter the floors and tables. Donghyuck doesn't have enough time to read through them all. He grabs as much as he can and moves onto the next lab. He moves robotically. Almost dissociating himself from the mundane process of _door papers computer retreat._

He has no idea if he's grabbed anything substantial. If Renjun'll be able to make anything _good_ out of the mess of information he's stealing. All he can do is hope. Hope and pray.

<>

Donghyuck skims over a few of the papers while in the car. Test results on the reanimated. Graphs, numbers, lots of science words he doesn't understand. Experiments on the reanimated. Donghyuck wonders if they ran any on Jaemin. If they were painful. If Jaemin even felt anything while they did.

<>

Renjun is sitting in the living area when he returns, bags dark underneath his eyes and posture slouched.

"You're alive," he says.

Donghyuck nods and tosses the wad of papers onto the table. "Read," he says. Any other time, Renjun would've glowered at him for using such a commanding tone. But there's an underlying note of desperation underneath, so instead he swallows and pulls the stack towards him,

"You should get some rest," he says. "This might take a while."

Donghyuck grunts and heads upstairs.

<>

By the time Donghyuck wakes up, Renjun's done. It's past sunset now.

"Renjun," he calls, stumbling down the stairs. He rubs at his eyes, trying to rub the sleepiness away. "Have you got anything?"

Renjun's face is decidedly neutral. Something akin to dread settles in Donghyuck's gut. "Donghyuck," he says slowly. "I—"

"What is it?" Donghyuck says. His heart pounds in his chest. His hands sweat. He can feel his muscles begin to tremble. All viscerally reminding him that he is _alive_ while Jaemin is not.

Renjun sighs, before speaking.

"There is no cure," he says. Four words. He put it as plainly as he could.

Donghyuck scoffs. "You haven't even tried," he says. "Was there—"  
"They're planning to wait it out," Renjun continues. "They abandoned trying a long time ago. Instructed everyone who could pay enough to hunker down and stay put until everyone infected outside dies."

"Dies?" Donghyuck whispers.

Renjun nods. "Apparently, if sufficiently starved without "food" for a long time the reanimated will eventually... die off."

"So they're going to let the reanimated eat everyone who couldn't hide away," Donghyuck says bitterly.

The government abandoned them. They and the powerful rich upped and left a long time ago. It's why Jaemin and him could roam about like they did. The institution Donghyuck was at? Probably to secure a future generation. The government doesn't give a shit about anybody with less than ten million and that's the ugly truth that's staring at Donghyuck in his face.

His hands shake as he rises. He can't even bring himself to feel sad. Just pure bitter _anger_.

"Donghyuck," Renjun calls. Donghyuck huffs and throws the file onto the floor. Papers shoot out of it upon impact, scattering across the ground.

"Donghyuck," Renjun repeats, sterner. "It's time."

<>

They burn him. Renjun's the one to put a bullet in his head in the end, because Donghyuck doesn't think he could bring himself to see Jaemin at the other end of his gun.

Ironic, isn't it. He and Jaemin swore to kill Renjun, but now that everything's done and gone Donghyuck can't muster up the energy to feel anything but tired and sore.

"I'm really sorry," Renjun says, beside him.

Donghyuck stares, impassive, at the roaring fire before him. The heat billows in his face, blown by the wind. "I know," he says. Renjun places a hand on his shoulder before leaving him alone. Maybe he wanted to say more, but Donghyuck doesn't even bother to turn to look him in the eyes.

And then it's just him. Jaemin's corpse is gone almost; flesh long decayed and easy to sear away with the purifying cleanse of fire.

<>

He leaves Renjun behind a day after they burned Jaemin. He doesn't even bother to say goodbye before he's out the door and driving away.

He can't help but feel almost _angry_ towards him. He knows it's not his fault really. Renjun tried his best; they both did. He never promised to bring him back, but Donghyuck had hoped against every piece of logical and rational information his brain had that he _would_.

 _Renjun promised_ , his mind seethed. He grips the wheel. He promised to try. _It's all he could do_ , he tells himself. He absentmindedly wonders if Renjun's promise was hollow. If he never really tried, and let Jaemin rot away in his basement. (But Donghyuck knows that's a lie, words conjured by his grief-stricken mind that he'll later know are false.)

Jaemin also promised a lot of things. Promised him the world, promised to always be by his side, to never leave him. And for a long time, he kept them.

Donghyuck supposes he never intended to break them. Life has a funny way of getting in the way.

<>

Donghyuck roams. He drives aimlessly, no real target in mind. There wasn't anywhere he really wanted to go anyways. There wasn't anybody he wanted to see.

<>

He still hunts. Tradition, and all. Sometimes, just sometimes, when he's lost himself in the haze of blood and action he can imagine Jaemin still standing beside him. The metallic scent of blood wafting off him in waves.

<>

The night he wakes up from a dream and can't remember what his voice sounds like, he cries.

It was—warm. He thinks. Sweet. Jaemin was always so sweet, even when he had that vicious look in his eyes and he was slicing people to bits. How deep was it again? Not too deep, right. Smooth. Donghyuck can remembers the words he spoke but he can't recall the exact canter of his voice or the dips and squeaks in the way he talked.

The thought that he'll forget his face too one day scares Donghyuck more than anything. He wishes to every God that there is that he kept a photo of him. One day, when he's scarred and old (that is, if he even lives that long), he'll have nothing more than a mere imprint of Jaemin's life on his. He won't remember the feeling of his fingers on his skin. He won't remember the way Jaemin looked in the morning sunlight, when it was just the two of them traveling the Earth. He won't remember the tune Jaemin used to hum every night before they fell asleep.

He won't remember _Jaemin_.

Donghyuck spends the rest of the night on the roof of the car, staring at the stars and wondering if he could ever spot Jaemin up there with them.

<>

Donghyuck drives.

<>

At some point, the roads start to look familiar. The shape of the houses and the way the road curves pokes at something deep and long buried inside him. Before he can stop himself, he's out of the car and walking on the pavement, feet carrying him faster than his brain can process.

Donghyuck's breath catches as he realizes where he is.

Jaemin's house. The paint is chipped with faint splatters of blood. Inside is dark, and Donghyuck prays there's nobody inside has he walks up the porch. Donghyuck's careful as he pries open the door, long stuck in the frame from disuse. It almost feels like it'll disintegrate in his fingers; as if his life with Jaemin was only ever a dream. If it were a dream, then it was a good dream.

Inside is no better. Donghyuck can see the telltale signs that raiders were here. Trampled carpets, furniture overturned, any cabinets or shelves that might've held anything useful empty. The pictures though—frames and glass shattered and scattered across the floor—are still here. There's one of Jaemin and his mother, smiling at the camera. He must've been about six or seven in the picture. All gap-toothed and baby cheeks. But still handsome; the same crinkle at his eye corners from his smile.

 _If all the pictures are still here, then..._ Donghyuck turns and walks upstairs. The stairs groan underneath his footsteps. He hopes the floor doesn't give out on his way down. Jaemin's room is to the right. The door is still closed.

Donghyuck hesitates before pushing it open. Opening it brings a new wave of bitter nostalgia and disappointment. Almost as if he thought Jaemin would be back in there, his sixteen-year-old self, sitting on the bed. But the room is empty, nothing more than dust and lost memories.

But sitting on the shelf is the picture frame. The one from Jaemin's 16th birthday party. The last one Jaemin ever got to have. It feels like an eternity ago. That was the day he confessed his feelings, and Jaemin confessed back. Donghyuck had surprised him with tickets to Universal. Jaemin had been raving about it the whole week leading up to his birthday.

It's a pity they never got to go. Donghyuck wishes he took him anyways. Loaded him in the car and drove down there, despite the reanimated in the way and took him. He wishes he had taken him and gotten to see the starry look in his eyes as he pulled Donghyuck towards all the rides. He wishes they could've gotten to ride the Ferris wheel together at night, and at the top they would've kissed.

If only. The goddamned government and their secrets. Now it's just dreamings of a life Donghyuck knows will never come to pass now.

Donghyuck exhales as he runs his fingers over the quilt of Jaemin's bed. He presses his face against the sheets, as if he would be able to smell some remnant of Jaemin here, when the boy who once was here is long gone. Right now, it just smells of dust and decay.

He never did really get to say goodbye. Donghyuck supposes here is as good as anywhere. This is—was—Jaemin's home. It's reminiscent of a time before everything. He hopes that if Jaemin is up there watching him somewhere, he feels at peace too.

The feeling of water on his hand startles him. Donghyuck barks a laugh. He's _crying_. On Jaemin's quilt. It really is like he's sixteen years old all over again. He rubs at his eyes and does his best not to ruin the sheets any further. Sniffling, he removes himself from Jaemin's bed and manages to stand.

He should go. It's painful being here. It hurts to remember, but Donghyuck doesn't want to forget. Before he goes, he tucks the picture in his pocket. Jaemin and Donghyuck. Sixteen, and still young enough they still think they have the whole world ahead of them.

fin.

(Depicted; Lee Donghyuck and Na Jaemin. An elaborate birthday cake with burning candles before them, 16 of them. Donghyuck is pressing a kiss to Jaemin's cheek, eyes closed. Jaemin's eyes are wide, and his cheeks flushed. His hands are in motion, as if to reach out for something. In the background—the green of summer bushes and flowers.)

**Author's Note:**

> am i mean? i'm sorry
> 
> some fun facts:  
> -jaemin's so docile during their escape bc of the experiments run on his corpse by the lab. it basically enabled him to retain more "human" in him than some other reanimated.  
> -of course, he wasn't and would never have been truly like someone alive but his reanimation was under a much different circumstance than most.  
> -he had a higher level of awareness and consciousness than most, enabling him more control over well, who he decides to maul to death or not.  
> -that being said, he still had the urge to eat their faces off  
> -donghyuck in fact, never gets over jaemin's death truly. he never stops carrying the picture in his pocket  
> -he probably returned to jaemin's neighborhood a lot, but never quite worked up the courage to reenter his house again.  
> -he never partnered with anybody else again  
> -renjun continues as a healer in that section until it's overrun by reanimated. he then flees until he's "taken in" by the government.  
> -the reason renjun jeno and mark split were because renjun wanted to stay behind to help people  
> -jeno and mark promised to return sometimes to visit but obviously, they never were able to keep that promise  
> -chenle died to a horde of reanimated a few months after jisung's death  
> -donghyuck lived the longest (besides renjun, who never escaped the facility), but eventually he couldn't run as fast and had no one else to help him


End file.
